Rock
Scissors
Fuck
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Randomize
