Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
