She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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