Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
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