You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
