I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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