shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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