My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
