I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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