i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
it was like having sex with a tree stump
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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