I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
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