summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
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