Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Randomize
