Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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