Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
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