dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
