it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
