so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
