i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
