I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I believe in your delicious
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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