none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
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