Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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