Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Randomize
