So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
