i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
