every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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