her vagine was all disorganized.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
That accounts for only three of the penises
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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