so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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