but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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