i just wanna soil my oats bro
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
