I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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