I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
