I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
