so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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