he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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