Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
