Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
