i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
