We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
