Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
