So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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