Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
