I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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