I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
