are you so shy because you have an std?
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
worst night to have a conscience
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I have aggressive nipples.
Randomize
