Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
