sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I need water and some morals
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
