I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
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