i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
