she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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